Not-so-commonly talked about leadership practices III...

    In part three of my not-so-commonly talked about  leadership practices, I want to elaborate on another practice I unveiled last week:

"As the leader, I must understand that being the leader WILL cost myself and my family."

    One of the big mistakes I see leaders make, ESPECIALLY in the church is to try to answer God's call, while not "uprooting" their family or making them uncomfortable. The problem is that I can't find this pattern in Scripture. In the Old Testament, for instance, every time God called out the leader, the family paid a price for that call. Whether it be Noah, who's family faced great ridicule as Noah obeyed God; Moses' family, to whom it must have seemed that the entire world was at odds with their husband and father at times; and Abraham's family, who endured great uncertainty to move AWAY from home and all of their relatives to obey God's call.  While these few instances and many others make it clear that when God calls the leader to uncertainty and even suffering, that He calls the family to the same path, I run in to pastors all the time that aren't open to certain ministry avenues because it would mean their family would have to move away from family to answer the call. I'm sorry, but I can't find this anywhere in Scripture.
         Even Jesus' obedience to the Father in the New Testament is clear evidence of the fact that our obedience to God comes with a price in our families. If keeping His family comfortable and not "rocking the boat" with His family was his primary goal, Jesus never would have left the carpenter shop. But He did.
         "As the leader, I must understand that being the leader WILL cost myself and my family." It's Biblical. It's also true in every arena of leadership. If it's lonely at the top (and it is, sometimes), it will be the same for the family; If God's  call always comes with a price (and it does), it will be the same for our families. So we need to stop trying to PROTECT our families from any discomfort or uncertainty AND answer God's call at the same time. We've got to TALK TO THEM about God's call and be up front with them about this BIBLICAL PRINCIPLE. THEN they won't be  shocked when the going gets tough. 
    This principle is MOST true in Spiritual leadership. That's WHY I tell pastor-want-to-be's all the time: DO NOT ENTER THE MINISTRY unless you KNOW your spouse is called, too! That's WHY it's important that before you start a church, you allow God to speak to your spouses and unify your family in the call. They're going to pay a price. They'll be willing to endure it if they know they were called to it. Leadership is an enormous privilege, but it comes with a price. Let's keep our eyes and our families' eye open to both. THAT'S the model of Jesus!
         
         

Comments

[Pete Wilson]

Thanks Shawn. Lots of great wisdom there!

[Matt Walton]

Thanks for writting the 3 posts about the leadership practices. They have given me good insights to what being a leader may cause.

[Bill]

DO NOT ENTER THE MINISTRY unless you KNOW your spouse is called, too! WOW words of wisdom that should stamped on every seminary wall. I have so many pastor friends who are trying to do ministry inspite of their wives instead of with their wives. It is tragic to see the hand of God limited by such a basic decision. I thank God for Tricia all the time because frankly you guys were the first couple in Ministry Donna and I ever got to know who really got it. I know you could not be the man of God you are without her being the woman of God she has been called to be. I know the same is true for the entire MLC team. Another reason God is doing something special in this place.

[Denise]

Ok, I just have to comment. This could apply to so many families and careers. I used to think us military people were the only ones who got uprooted (sometimes every 6 months to a year that I remember). Then I met alot of people along the way that were in management of corporations that moved as much as we did. It's just life. Not only is moving something that everyone adjusts too but I would never give any of the experiences back. We have lived in Germany, New York, Delaware, Kansas, Michigan, South Carolina, Georgia and Hawaii. (and visited many other places surrounding those areas) The experiences we had, the strength I have discovered in myself, the life changing opportunities we've had, the adaptability that you learn to have changing environments and cultures has been priceless. Further, the expansion of your thinking and getting your tiny little thoughts out of your tiny little head from staying in the same tiny circle in your tiny town is life changing. Half of my neighborhood here in Georgia is from Philly, Jersey and other places along the eastern seaboard because it just needed to happen. You go where you need to go. I don't know ministry but I know moving and not only can you SURVIVE but you can THRIVE. I can't imagine the accomplishments that any of us would have made if it were not for the moving and experiences. Of course, after 20 years of this I am reluctant to do it anymore..but I could be persuaded if I REALLY felt it was where God was calling me to be.